Surprisingly in one magazine, the majority of the ads for medication promotions were men. It was evenly divided between Caucasian men and men of color. I will admit I was raised seeing magazines with tall, thin Caucasian women. I rarely pay attention to magazines unless there is a recipe or project that catches my attention.
I reviewed health magazines, on the cover of two separate issues were Caucasian women. I was not familiar with either- they are young actresses. There are quite a few images of African Americans in the magazines almost as many as there are Caucasians. African Americans are in advertisements but not for the leading articles. I did notice that at least one Asian female in every issue as well. As for Latins, I’ll be honest, I could not tell if any were in any of the ads or articles. There were some brunettes but again difficult to identify any of them as such.
I did not notice any person who is a plus-size model. This is a magazine for health and fitness. However, they did have images of supplements which would assist with weight loss. I also did not notice any person who appeared to be older either.
Coontz shares in her article the comparison of the American family in the 1950’s to today’s modern family. One would assume with all of the media depiction of the 1950’s family as idyllic with shows such as “Leave it to Beaver.” The American family was having both parents and two children. The husband as the sole provider, and the wife home tending to domestic duties. In reality, those past times were not as they were portrayed.
The American family today is in a better stance than those in the 50’s. People will complain about the high divorce rate in today’s society. However, “one reason they seem worse is that we no longer sweep them under the rug. Another is that we have higher expectations of parenting and marriage (Henslin 2007:428). When I decided to divorce my husband, it was a difficult decision. My family was opposed to divorce. However, I knew I could not tolerate being in an abusive marriage and continue with it. I did not want my children to witness the abuse nor believe it was acceptable.
Coontz describes how many women have reduced the number of children she is now choosing to have, but they have increased in the amount of time she spends with each child (Henslin 2007:429). In the past, children would spend most of their time with their fathers, while mother’s priorities were in domestic duties. Women today not only make up half of their families income but they also can decide whether or not to be single or leave an unhappy marriage (Henslin 2007:430).
Due to the shift in roles, more mothers are working now, and more fathers are home. This shift has made remarkable strides with fathers being more proactive in their children’s lives. The results are that men are spending more time not only with their children but also their parents. I can confirm this statement since my husband has retired from work, he spends more time with our children, grandchildren, and even with his parents. It not only makes all of them feel better that he does, but he too enjoys having this time with them.
The American family is a stronger structure today than it has been in the past. The image of how it should be is not necessarily traditional, but it functions. As long as we support, demonstrate love, and respect for one another we have created a better family structure for current and future families.
In this chapter, Laura L. Miller shares the resistance men have on women in the military. Women experience gender harassment, a resistance to authority, gossip, rumors, and even rape. Women have always played a role in the military, but women have expressed an interest in non-traditional roles, such as mechanics and even in direct combat. In both, the Navy and Air Force, approximately one in five enlisted members and officers are women. In 2016, the Defense Department lifted all restrictions on the roles women can perform in the military (https://www.cfr.org/article/demographics-us-military).
This reminds me of some stories I heard from the older women in my family when they entered the workforce. Men felt they were superior over women. They heard statements that women should remain home, bearing children, and not involved in the workforce (Henslin, 2007:525). I was fortunate to have my father. Not only did he encourage all of his children to do well in school and seek employment, but he also wanted it more so for his daughters. The message I heard was, I am as capable, and in many instances better than some men in the workforce. As a woman, I did find myself having to work harder and longer to prove myself when working with men.
I have worked in environments where I was the only female or one in the handful. I did find in some instances, if I did not assert my authority, I would be challenged by a male employee(Henslin, 2007:521). There was an instance, I was the superior to a male employee, who was 15 years my senior, and a retired marine. I had to correct him one time, and he did not take it well, initially. He said he needed to walk away to blow off steam. When he returned, I insisted we sit down to discuss the matter. He said he was immediately offended when I corrected him. He then said, because I sternly delivered my message, he respected it. He apologized for walking off stating that was demonstrating disrespect towards me but knew he made a mistake. If a male superior would have corrected him, which they have, he never felt the need to walk off to calm down nor question it.
There is no doubt when women want to enter any arena that men predominantly ruled in the past, the opposition will be encountered. Like the workforce, to me, if a woman wants to enlist in the military to serve in combat, I believe they should. Also, like the workforce, women should be protected from gender and sexual harassment, verbal abuse, threats, and even rape.
“Our ideas of physical attraction feel deeply personal and have powerful implications for our self-worth and relationship to our bodies (JCB, 2017:303).” Beauty is socially constructed, as described in this chapter. There are ideas of what physical beauty is in our society and there are plenty making a profit from these ideas.
In this chapter, they described that the results in their Google search for “beauty” revealed the majority of images are of Caucasian, thin females, few women of color depicted, and all wearing make-up (JCB, 2017:305). I can remember as a child in elementary school admiring the girls with colored-eyes. I had light brown hair and olive skin so the only things I lacked, I thought, to be beautiful, was height and having colored-eyes. I grew up with the images of Barbie as our role model. Barbie, a tall, Caucasian, blue-eyed doll with long blonde hair and not to mention the Coca-cola bottle body.
The idea of how women should look isn’t solely on the young. As a grandmother, I am expected to cut my hair short, above the shoulders, and let my gray hairs show. Staying fit was a taboo in my culture for grandmothers as I grew up. I am expected to have the middle age spread and not to be working out. I remember how my grandmothers kept their gray hair pulled back or cut short. They wore shawls everywhere they went. For one grandmother, using any anti-wrinkle cream was absurd. However, for my maternal grandmother, she was a faithful user. Going for walks, if it weren’t for running an errand, was not unheard of in their generation.
Diversity is slowly making its way through the beauty industry. Cover girl make-up has now introduced a model, Maye Musk, in her late 60s to represent them (https://fashionista.com/2017/09/maye-musk-covergirl-ambassador). While many would say this just adds more pressure to women and now older women, I can appreciate the fact they are not focusing on just young women. To me beauty includes aging. It always infuriated me the beauty industry would use a 17-year-old girl to represent an anti-wrinkle cream.
Women are considered sex symbols and our appearance is what many, even other women, will judge a woman. Whether a woman decides to use make-up or any other form to enhance her looks so she may feel empowered, I encourage. However, if a woman feels she has to out of peer pressure or fit into what others perception of beautiful is, I do not agree on. Not everybody engages with beauty ideologies in the same way: our interpretation of these ideals is shaped by our social location (JCB,2017:310). It is true, but it is also important to add time. What is considered a taboo fifty years ago may no longer be the norm tomorrow. “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”-Confucious
In this chapter, Barbies and Monster Trucks: Socialization and “Doing Gender” they describe how toys separate genders which are socially constructed. I agree since I grew up what many would call as a “tomboy.” I grew up in an era we didn’t have many toys. We were encouraged to find things to do outside and play. Video games were in its infancy stage at the time and definitely something we could not afford. I enjoyed riding my bike to explore my neighborhood, playing with marbles, football, shot BB guns, and got into physical fights. These things were not considered gender appropriate as a little girl.
We are taught how to “act” if we are male or female. Men are to be tough, strong and are not to cry. Women are to be loving and nurturing- a lady. I grew up between two brothers and all male cousins. My sister is over four years younger than I am and my female cousins my age lived far away. What my brothers and cousins did, I did too. They jumped off the roof, I did it. They played football in the streets, I was right along with them. If they were engaged in a neighborhood fist fight, I jumped in to protect them.
My parents did not criticize me nor deterred me when I was at home or in my neighborhood. However, if I were at a family gathering or social function, I was expected to behave like a lady. I was not to engage in any physical altercation. I had to wear dresses and bows in my hair. I definitely had to sit upright and watch from a distance when the boys were playing a contact sport or horse played. My brothers would tease me because they knew I was forced to sit on the sidelines. This is what sociologist Candace West and Don Zimmerman call “doing gender.” It is how we perform gender in everyday life (JCB, 2017:86).
My choice of play may not have been conventional to many. However, it taught me how to socialize with the other children in the neighborhood (JCB,2017:204). Grant it, they were boys, but I have found I can joke with the guys and not get so easily offended as an adult. Children should be allowed to play in the way and with what makes them comfortable.
In observing a big box store, I stroll through the toy section. I see no signs indicating “girls” or “boys” section for the toys. Traditionally, growing up I saw these signs separating the sexes, as if to show which toy was appropriate for each gender.
As I approach the toy aisles the children are running to them first. They segregate themselves, boys running towards one aisle and the girls to the other. One younger boy found himself with the girls, and the older boys yelled out “What are you doing?! That’s the girl’s toys!” as they laughed at him. He then joined the boys in what they considered the boy’s toys.
Even without signs, the children made their distinctions in what was gender appropriate toys for their sex. In the aisle for “girl” toys there is an entire row of pink packaging and reflecting the need for them to provide care to others, all while looking good. There are dolls, pots and pans, dishes, dresses, and fake make-up. The “boy” section has a long row of blue and black packaging. There are toys which reflect the need for boys to be aggressive: guns, knives, cars, and superhero.
I didn’t want to ask these children I didn’t know, how the differentiated the two. I called and spoke with my grandchildren about this very topic. I do not recall telling my grandchildren which toy was appropriate for their sexes. As a grandmother, raised as a “tomboy” I played football, basketball, and even wrestled with my grandchildren (before my injury). They all identified toys by the color of their packaging: blue, red, black, green are what attracts the boys to those toys. The granddaughters said the colors; pink, purple, aqua, and anything with glitter were for girls because “boys hate glitter.” They all stated no one told them the difference between the ‘boys” or “girls” toy.
I asked my grandchildren if a child from the opposite sex wanted to play with toys which are for the other sex would it be OK? They all replied, “Yeah, if they want to!” But when I asked the grandsons if they would play with dolls, they replied with a stern, “NO!” It seems to be acceptable for a girl to play with a toy which is for “boys” than it is for a boy to play with a “girl” toy.
Sidney Katz shares people will judge other’s based on their appearance or their lack of. She shares how attractive people have a more comfortable life due to their looks. She states it based on two psychological perceptions: Halo-effect other’s believe you are more generous, trustworthy, sociable, modest, sensitive, interesting, and sexually responsive than the rest of us (Henslin, 2007:342). Horn-effect other’s believe you are mean, sneaky, dishonest, anti-social, and a poor sport to boot. The perceptions of misbehavior were studied in children to confirm these effects (Henslin, 2007:342).
Women were told children had misbehaved. They were then given photos of children and asked which child could have been the one who misbehaved. The participants immediately stated the attractive children did not “appear” to be the type to do such behavior. Children who did not have a higher level of attractiveness are targeted as “having negative traits and treats him accordingly (Henslin, 2007:343).”
This does not apply only to children, it also applies to adults. I have watched criminal investigation shows, and it amazes me when a victim’s family member state the perpetrator as, “He looked normal! Like everyone else! He didn’t look like someone you would think is a murderer.” One famous serial killer, Ted Bundy was a person who was described as growing up “to be a charming, articulate, and intelligent young man (https://www.crimemuseum.org/crime-library/serial-killers/ted-bundy/).” He would be considered having the “halo-effect” and not considered the “type” to be a serial killer.
Katz describes how being attractive assists in the advancement of your career. In a time where one would believe, looks should not play a factor in performance, there is sad truth in this. The face of a company wants to put forth their most attractive employees. I am putting out the effort to return to the workforce. I will admit I have consciously decided to work out again so I may increase my chances back into the workforce. I am a middle-aged woman, who dyes her hair and uses facial cream daily to keep the appearance of age at bay. I will be competing against much younger applicants and know my extensive experience will reveal my age. I am also aware if I present myself as healthy, young, and vibrant, this should increase my chances in securing a secure job and have options.
An excellent example of how appearance can advance one’s career is how Marilyn Monroe changed her looks. The sex symbol initially had “brown and kinky” hair. “She felt a lighter color helped accentuate her eyes, which Barnhart has described as “beautiful [and] luminous (https://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/marilyn-monroe-early-life4.htm).”
This article by Deborah Tannen describes “conversation as a ritual (Henslin, 2007:192).” There are really different styles in which men and women communicate. These various forms are what causes miscommunication. Tannen states the largest miscommunication are: apologies, criticism, Thank-Yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes.
I could quickly identify myself in many of these areas. In the form of apologies, I can confirm women use them more often than men. I agree with the article that women don’t always apologize because we are in the wrong (Henslin, 2007:193). I can’t really tell you why I do apologize even if there is no malice or error initially involved.
Indeed, criticism can be taken differently between men and women. When a man responds pointing out the negative first, a woman receives it harshly. This happened to me last weekend. I was using the weed whacker to do the edges of our lawn. I will admit, I have not mastered this tool, and I usually wear out the blade on it when I do. However, I have been vigilant on my use of it and not destroyed it as I had in the past. My husband comes out and notices what I am doing. Instead of pointing out the positive of what I am doing he starts by saying he’ll just take over the task. My feelings were immediately hurt, and I became angry with him. Logically I knew he didn’t mean anything by it but emotionally I was hurt. When I shared with him, he should have said the decent job I already had done and then say he’d help out. He apologized saying he had no intention of hurting my feelings.
Thank Yous are described as rituals. Women do use this term more often than men do. I have found when I thank a woman she feels a sense of appreciation. When I say it to men, I receive a response of it being no big deal, and usually without one in return. It doesn’t bother me as much as criticism.
In this area of fighting, I have no problem putting up a good debate. First hand, I am Latina. My temperament does not allow me to back down from a good argument. The other factor is that I was raised predominantly around males. They never treated me less than they would treat another guy. If I wanted to hang around them, I had to stand my ground. They taught me feelings had to be put aside, and logic would have to be the sharpest tool used in this combat. It is empowering when I can stand up to a man and point out my opinion. Tannen does state, ” some women find it helpful to learn how to do it (Henslin, 2007:195).”
In the areas of need for praise, I am a practical person. Unlike the women described in this article, I’d prefer to not be praised openly from my male colleagues. Many have this perception since I do talk quite a bit or inquire by asking questions without hesitation, I must enjoy being the center of attention. On the contrary, I’d instead prefer to be left alone, what men usually do as explained in the article (Henslin, 2007: 196).
When women complain, many times it is just to vent. It isn’t to seek out a male to “fix it.” My husband is notorious for doing this. I would express a concern or vent to him, and he would immediately want to find solutions. I have learned, to tell him before I vent, that I just need him to hear me out. Men are not accustomed to expressing concerns. They tend to keep their worries to themselves.
I have always been able to joke with men. Many would say they enjoy they can joke with me, and I don’t take offense what they say. This is the opposite of what is noted in the article, “Women often mistake men’s teasing as genuinely hostile (Henslin, 2007:197).” Men are impressed I could have a quick “comeback” and not become upset or offended by their remarks. I attest this to being raised with brothers and male cousins.
In summary for me, I will admit it was beneficial that I was raised around males. They taught me how to communicate with men. I haven’t always been successful as there were times my emotions would take over. However, it has allowed me to talk with men, including my husband to get my message across.
Children through elementary and middle school find themselves segregated from one another by the sexes (Henslin, 2007:181). Boys will congregate with boys and girls with girls. I am a grandmother of five and have had the opportunity to watch these encounters with my children, and grandchildren.
Boys tend to congregate in larger groups playing in the field for football or on the blacktop for basketball – the more who can join in, the better. When boys are together in groups, they enjoy breaking the rules whenever possible. The instructor can tell them to get into line, and you’ll always find a set or two of boys out of line because they are pushing and shoving one another. Boys enjoy the rough and severe types of interaction such as wrestling or fighting, risk-taking, foul language, and being dirty. My grandson came home in trouble with his mother because he was overheard using foul language at school. Typically this grandson is an introvert. He’s quiet and reserved. When I spoke with him about the scenario, it was no surprise to me he began using foul language because he was with a large group of male friends who were doing the same thing. Alone he would not have done this, but amongst a group of friends,, he did without hesitation.
Girls usually have smaller groups when together. You will find them playing on the jungle gym or playing hopscotch, but they are generally talking to one another. Girls follow the rules and more compliant than boys. When asked to line up you will find them facing forward and ready to obey every command. Not to say they never break the rules because they do, just not on a grander scale as boys would. Girls focus on their appearance; they do not get dirty, are less likely to curse, and follow the rules. Girls are not interested in aggressive behavior; their social activities are more like talking, grooming, etc.
It is expected they voluntarily segregate themselves from one another at school. However, I have noticed the segregation amongst the sexes is not as relative when they are in their neighborhoods. I have found girls and boys playing in the streets a game of touch football or tag. If I ever ask, if they play at school together too? They respond to me with a shocking “NO!”
As they enter middle school, the two begin to notice each other in different lights. They may have been secretly “crushing” or “liking” each other at a younger age. However, done discreetly (Henslin, 2007:190). Boys and girls would chase each other or intentionally play a game of tag but chasing the one they have an interest in (Henslin,2007:189). In middle school, it is more acceptable they are more open to stating their admiration for the opposite sex. Boys think of physical attraction before emotional and romance commitment. Whereas, girls in seeking relationships first seek out love and the emotional support with sex proceed after.
Donna Eder describes in this article how peers influence females with the most emphasis being their appearance. Females, on the contrary to males, are expected to be clean and well-groomed. The media is a significant contributor to these standards in how women believe they should look.
Eder speaks volumes when she states females are being evaluated daily by not only by males but also by other females. As I grew up, even as an adult in corporate America, women were always criticizing one another for what they wore, how they styled their hair, their make up, and definitely for their weight. It is no surprise as Market Research.com reports, the diet industry worth reached nearly $70 billion U.S. dollars in 2018. Women’s image is such a defining factor that plastic surgery is the newest trend to address any flaws a woman may seem upon herself. “Americans are turning to new and innovative ways to shape their bodies, as minimally invasive cosmetic procedures have increased nearly 200% since 2000( https://www.plasticsurgery.org/news/press-releases/new-statistics-reveal-the-shape-of-plastic-surgery).”
Image from Women’s Health
The need to demonstrate their femininity is not the only issue; it is also the need to find the appropriate balance to show it. For instance, if a female wore an excessive amount of makeup, it was frowned upon and criticized by other females. Not wearing enough makeup says she’s isn’t trying to be feminine. If a female is over or underweight she would be judged. There isn’t any escape from criticism regardless of her attempts.
Their looks are more important than what they do. I remember when Marcia Clark walked into the courtroom during the O.J. Simpson trial with a new hairstyle. The media was in an uproar about her appearance. It was the focus the media had and not as much as it should have been the trial itself. She received criticism for her hairstyle, her weight, and overall appearance (https://www.eonline.com/news/747205/marcia-clark-reveals-the-truth-about-makeover-depicted-in-the-people-v-o-j-simpson ). The focus should have been her attempts to prosecute a high profiled case and not on her looks.
The media amplifies beauty standards. But what are the criteria? Many of us grew up with the images of Barbie: blonde hair, blue eyes, small waistline, large breasts, and tall. Thankfully in recent years, the fashion industry realized women come in all shapes and sizes. They began to include what they call “plus-sized models” onto the runway. On Youtube.com you can find large amounts of videos on how women can apply their make up appropriately and style their hair. I do not think I have ever come across a video demonstrating to men how they should groom. If there are any, they are far and in between.
We need to focus on strengthening our daughter’s self-image by building their self-esteem and not be so concerned that is she is solely an image for others to admire. I am a short and older brunette which does not place me anywhere in the Barbie category yet I know as a woman, I have far better qualities than that.
LifesWeeds 